So … just how many times has England been invaded since 1066?
Rather a lot, it turns out. Here's my best guestimate … and at least five of these were successful invasions resulting in a change of monarch:
1066: Sweyn and his Viking army - defeated by King Harold Godwinson at Stamford Bridge.
1066: William the Bastard and his Norman army. Defeated and killed Harold. William becomes King William the First of England.
1067: Edgar the Atheling invades the west country - twice.
1070s: Sweyn Estridsson invades the north of England, then invades and plunders East Anglia, the git.
1100: Robert Short-Arse invades. Failed due to lack of interest.
1135: Stephen of Blois invades and is crowned King Stephen the First of England. This was just as successful an invasion as 1066, but it - in common with several others - gets fat all press in comparison … weird.
1136: David the First of Scotland invades in support of Empress Matilda. Repulsed by Stephen.
1138: David the First of Scotland has another go. This time he's successful and holds the north of England for Empress Matilda until 1157.
1139: Empress Matilda and Geoffrey Plantagenet invade, kicking off the Anarchy.
1149: Henry FitzEmpress (yes, really) invades. Son of Empress Matilda and future King Henry the Second of England.
1208: Eustace the Monk seizes the Channel Islands.
1216: Louis the Eighth of France (AKA Louis the Lion) invades in cahoots with Alexander the Second of Scotland during the First Barons' War, which saw Louis crowned by the barons and the London Mob as King Louis. It was rumoured he was also King of the Swingers and the Jungle VIP.
King Louis storms and takes Norwich Castle and sacks and burns Norwich. What an arsehole … Little wonder we hate the French.
Anyhoo, when King John died (for a while we'd had two kings at the same time), the barons switched their allegiance to nine-year-old Henry the Third, thinking they could control him. Louis got his arse kicked at the Second Battle of Lincoln and his navy sunk of Sandwich. He was bribed to bugger off back to France and stay there.
1217: Eustace the Monk again; this time invading via Sandwich in Kent.
1314 - 1513: Countless Scottish invasions during the Wars of Scottish Independence, the Hundred Years War and the Anglo-Scottish Wars. Way too many to mention.
1338 / 9: French attacks on Harwich, Southampton, Plymouth, Jersey (twice), Alderney and Sark.
1340: More French raids along the south coast; at least six landings.
1360: French attacks on Sandwich, Rye, Hastings and Winchelsea.
1373: The French invade Jersey (again).
1376: French attack at Rye.
1377: The French attempt invasion at Rye (twice), Rottingdean, Portsmouth, Dartmouth, Plymouth, Isle of Wight, Winchelsea (again). Folkstone, Southampton and Poole. You can't fault the buggers for lack of trying.
1380: Winchelsea invaded again.
1386: The French invade Winchelsea yet again (they must really like it there) and also landings in Kent.
1408 - 1415: French privateers attack the Isle of Wight and Dartmouth (twice).
1415: French invade the Isle of Wight.
1418: They're back in Winchelsea again.
1461: The French invade Jersey.
1470: French invasion in support of the restoration of Henry the Sixth.
1471: Invasion of Edward the Fourth and defeat of Henry the Sixth.
1485: The Welsh invade England under Harri Tudur, leading to the Battle of Bosworth Field and the death of Richard the Third (AKA Richard Crookback, recently dug up from under a pub car park in Leicester). Harri Tudur anglicises his name and becomes Henry Tudor, King Henry the Seventh of England.
1487: Lambert Simnel invades from Ireland, claiming to be Edward Plantagenet, one of the dead princes in the Tower (he wasn't).
1495: Perkin Warbeck lands at Deal, claiming to be the rightful king (he wasn't either).
1497: Perkin Warbeck's back, this time invading via Cornwall.
1513: The Scots again, under James the Fourth, leading to the Battle of Flodden.
1545: The French invade the Isle of Wight during the Italian Wars. The Mary Rose was sunk in this battle, not by the French, but by stupidity. Overload a top-heavy ship, open the gun ports close to the waterline, turn really sharply and sink.
1588: The Spanish Armada … didn't go so well.
1595: The Spanish invade Cornwall and actually get on shore.
1596: The Second Spanish Armada did even worse than the first.
1597: The Third Spanish Armada got dispersed by storms off The Lizard, but a few Spanish troops managed to land in Cornwall and Wales … to no effect.
1601: The Spanish land at Cork.
1627: Barbary pirates invade and occupy Lundy. Make attacks around Conwy.
1631: Barbary pirates invade and sack Baltimore in Ireland.
1636: Barbary pirates attack and raid Cornwall.
1640: They then do the same to Penzance … Pirates of Penzance, anyone?
1648: Those pesky Scots again, this time in support of Charles the First against Cromwell's Parliamentary Army, and we all know how that went. Defeated at Preston, leading later to Charles the First's beheading (yay).
1667: Dutch landings at Sheerness and Felixstowe.
1685: Invasion by Monmouth during the Monmouth Rebellion.
1688: The Glorious Revolution: William of Orange and Mary Stuart defeat James the Second and take the throne of England. Huzzah!
1690: The French try to invade via Teignmouth in Devon.
1708: James the Second tries to get his throne back with French help … Nope.
1715: The Jacobite Rising: The Scots invade in support of James the Second and are again defeated at Preston. You'd think they'd have learned the first time.
1719: The Spanish land at Loch Alsh.
1744: The French try invading again but call it off.
1745: The Jacobite invasion by Bonnie Prince Charlie and a French army.
1759: Yet another French invasion attempt is sunk by the Royal Navy.
1778 John Paul Jones (NOT the Led Zeppelin bassist) invades Whitehaven and raids the Solway Firth during the American Revolutionary War.
1779: Planned Franco-Spanish invasion in support of America called off. The French raid the Channel Islands instead.
1803 - 1809: Napoleon's planned invasions keep getting sunk by Nelson.
1940: Hitler's Nazis land at Graveney Marsh in Kent. Skirmish ensues.
1940: Operation Sea Lion, Hitler's planned invasion of England, called off when the RAF gained air supremacy in the Battle of Britain.
1940 - 1945: Hitler's Nazis invade and occupy the Channel Islands.
1944: America successfully invades England armed with silk stockings and cigarettes, leading to an epidemic of unwanted pregnancies and G. I. Brides. Then we all get together and invade Normandy, though not in revenge for 1066.
If you're aware of any more, do let me know.
6 comments:
"1216: Louis the Eighth of France (AKA Louis the Lion) invades in cahoots with Alexander the Second of Scotland during the First Barons' War, which saw Louis crowned by the barons and the London Mob as King Louis. It was rumoured he was also King of the Swingers and the Jungle VIP."
I laughed out loud for this one, but then you added this:
"1944: America successfully invades England armed with silk stockings and cigarettes, leading to an epidemic of unwanted pregnancies and G. I. Brides."
Your timeline is serious history, but also hilarious, sweetpea! xox
My dad was probably a part of the 1944 invasion. He took part in the D-Day landing at Omaha Beach. However, he was born in Cumbria in 1913 and immigrated to the U.S. with his family in 1923, only returning to England on a troop carrier as part of the invasion force. On the way over, officers found out he'd never become a U.S. citizen and, I understand, swore him in on the spot.
I laughed out loud, too! Had to go listen. This one has subtitles even for the scat!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EY8l1ELcF_E
Then I had to go enjoy your other musical references as well, but all the stuff I could find from Pirates of Penzance was kind of bad so I moved on to The Zep.
I used to call myself a Zeppelin freak. Loved them madly.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LzGBQerkvWs
The British invasion? I guess that's what the popular press called it.
Ah, Louis Prima's finest hour. And Disney's, too.
Savannah, I'm so glad I could produce a giggle from what is just a long list of dumb facts. I love that quote, "History is just one damned thing after another." xoxo
Wow, Speedway! Your Dad was at Omaha? What a hero. You must be so proud. That's a great story.
Petrea, I've bookmarked the subtitled version so I can enjoy it whenever I'm feeling low. Too funny! And yay for Zep.
Hee hee for finding Pirates of Penzance. G&S were, let's say, "of their time."
All three of you get a bonus point for actually reading the darned thing. Hee hee.
The first one that made me laugh was 'due to lack of interest'. It reminded me of Spinal Tap's "cancelled due to lack of advertising funds"
Hee hee. Poor old Robert Shortarse. The prototype for Tyrion Lannister would ave fitted right in on Spinal Tap's Stonehenge stage show.
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