A Big Hello From The Small Glass Planet

This was going to be a big, sweary, ranty blog, railing against a world headed full tilt down the shitter, with no driver and no brakes.
But while ranting's great fun to do, it's REALLY, mind-numbingly tedious to read (I've just read a few, and trust me on this: you guys are so fucking boring)! So let's put Planet Earth safely away in the toybox and start again …
Hi, I'm Dive. I'm a fat, ugly, balding, middle-aged man, so picture me as Johnny Depp or Brad Pitt and we'll get along just fine. I work in Westminster, designing schools, but commute in from the Norfolk Broads, which is insane, but there you go.
My website, smallglassplanet.com, has the builders in at the moment, so I've brought my cup of tea over here, where it's a bit quieter and I don't have to look at bumcracks.
Over the next few posts, I'll be introducing some of the inhabitants of the Small Glass one, and revealing The Truth Behind Everything, some stuff about gravel, The Blind Willies, the game of Scunthorpe, and my epic battle with the Japanese language. Oh, and a knitted monkey will no doubt make an appearance.

In the meantime, here's your homework:

Today's word you must use in your next telephone conversation: Brouhaha (let's start you off with an easy one).

Today's track to track down: The Hobbit Song by Leonard Nimoy (yes, THAT Leonard Nimoy). Not currently available anywhere, as far as I know, but well worth maiming a friend for. Mad as a chocolate hat. Nimoy, what the fuck were you thinking? This is JUST PLAIN WRONG!
There's a video to go with it, too. I caught it once on late night tv and laughed so hard my dinner came out my nose.

Today's fact: All goldfish are called Bob … Just ask 'em.