Saturday, December 15, 2012

Saturday Statuary - Know Your Continents

Hokay …
It's time to psychoanalyse the British Empire using the statues on the front of the Foreign and Commonwealth Office in Parliament Street.
Europe is naturally dominated by Brittannia, proud of her naval power and her empire upon which the sun never sets.
We also like horses and oak trees.
And erect nipples …

More erect nipples, but - like Europe - at least covered in admittedly flimsy material.
Asia likes Indian elephants and pepper trees.

Proudly bare-breasted (the only porn available to the Victorian adolescent was an endless succession of "native maidens" illustrating their schoolbooks, and … er … statues like these) and sporting great hair.
Africa likes bananas, children and a peculiarly goofy-toothed hippopotamus.
Now you know.

Ah, Australasia …
Land of convicts and sheep.
And that's it.
At least she's clad with a modicum of decency.

Look out! Here comes the New World!
A brazen, bare-boobed maize-wielding woman in a feather head-dress, brandishing a flag;
and behind her, a horse with its head on fire (I think it's supposed to be a bison - sorry: 'buffalo').
That pretty much sums up America.

So what have we learned about the British Empire and its attitude to the rest of the world?
We're patronising, ignorant and we love boobs.

Plus ça change, plus c'est la même chose.

So which continent are you?


savannah said...

A brazen, bare-boobed maize-wielding woman in a feather head-dress, brandishing a flag;

That would be me, just drop everything else after brazen. Oh, wait, you meant where do I live! :~) xoxox

dive said...

Hee hee, Savannah. You got it right the first time: I should have asked "which continent do you most identify with?"
Me, I'm definitely a British Empire man: patronising, ignorant and with a deep love of boobies. Yay!

Vanda said...

They are nice boobs. I bet those Victorians were a randy lot.

dive said...

They were the most repressed and fucked-up generation in history, Vanda.

Katherine Mercurio Gotthardt said...

LMFAO!!!!!! So glad the Brits lit us on fire.

Do you know the Attorney General of VA wanted to change our state seal by covering up the boobs? No lie.

"The seal depicts the Roman goddess Virtus, or virtue, wearing a blue tunic draped over one shoulder, her left breast exposed. But on the new lapel pins Cuccinelli recently handed out to his staff, Virtus’ bosom is covered by an armored breastplate."

dive said...

Hee hee! Bowdlerisation is alive and well in the US of A. Thank you for cheering my Sunday with that awesomely silly person's denial of reality. It gave me a raucous chortle.
Over here in Europe we know only too well that one of the first signs of the descent into Fascism is the censorship of art. Next up is book burning, but I seem to remember you guys already got that covered. I also recall when I was a kid, folk over there burned Beatles records … I suppose that's better then lynching, but it comes from the same mindset.
America is a much scarier place than lunatic gun laws and school massacres suggest.

Petrea Burchard said...

I'm thinking the current generation of uber right-wing Christians can beat your Victorians for repression, hands down.

Ms M said...

Interesting artwork -- I always learn something new from reading your blog ;-)

I remember the destruction of Beatles albums, too. I recall it had to do with John saying the Beatles were more popular than Jesus. So a few of the teens in the farming community where I lived dutifully destroyed their albums, and the local paper took photos and quoted a 16-yr-old girl named Lawanda, who claimed she'd never listen to another Beatles song again.

dive said...

I'm thinking you're definitely right there, Petrea; they've inherited the mantle and taken it to new depths.

Hahahaha, Ms.M. There's a fine line between learning something new and finding out something you may not have wanted to know. I try to keep my blog in the latter camp.
Those Beatle-burnings were the first glimpse the outside world had of the insanity roiling and churning in the dark heart of America. We're mighty grateful for the Atlantic and Pacific Oceans.

Julie Mclean said...

That is obviously New Zealand not Australia. We don't gaze into sheep's eyes with such affection over here!!! And I think I can see thongs peeping out from under her flowing skirt - so argument cemented!!

dive said...

An inarguably conclusive case, Jules. You are completely right of course. Hee hee.